Heroes & Thieves

Let me tell you something about Severus Snape. We were best friends in Hogwarts. I know, right? It's so embarrassing. I don't even... Whatever. So then in seventh year, I started going out with my first boyfriend James who I totally hated but then we got married, and Severus was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like, if I would blow him off to hang out with James, he'd be like, "Why are you such a Mudblood?" And I'd be like, "Why are you so obsessed with me?" So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-Order pool party, I was like, "Severus, I can't invite you, because I think you're a Death Eater." I mean I couldn't have a Death Eater at my party. There were gonna be Order of the Phoenix members there in their battle robes. I mean, right? He was a DEATH EATER. So then Voldemort called Dumbledore and started yelling at him, it was so retarded. And then he dropped out of the Order because no one would talk to him, and he came back in the fall to work for Dumbledore, all of his hair was greasy and he was totally weird, and now I guess he's Potions Master.